…. researched and compiled by tb mcglone
The Pope has direct knowledge that the “Heavenly Coffee” is, in fact, Folgers.
According to her diary, Christopher Columbus’s wife noted that the famous explorer was a notorious brute when it came to stopping to ask for directions.
The landing at Normandy was delayed by one day due to FDR’s inability to recall the secret pass phrase, “Hey, Mikey! He likes it!”
When drunk, Jonas Salk would often call up old girlfriends to boast that his cure for polio was nothing compared to his invention of the “locomotion”.
Archeologists and historians concur that the allure of Helen of Troy can be largely attributed to her third nipple.
In his autobiography, Marlon Brando reveals a carnal attraction to “Twinkee the Kid”.
At family barbecues, you couldn’t get Buster Keaton to shut up.
The lesser known Marx Sister, Beulah, was nicknamed Trombono by her brother Groucho, due to her penchant for the instrument.
The union representing Sports Mascots has contractually obligated that any person hired to portray Mr. Met must have a head circumference larger than 1.5 meters.
While he never “corked” a bat, Babe Ruth was said to have applied that same principle in the bedroom in order to gain an advantage.
As a concession for taking on the less glamourous role of the nation’s first Secretary of the Treasury, Alexander Hamilton was given the constitutional right to put his catch phrase, ‘E Pluribus Unum’, “Any damn place I please!”
E.B. White is credited with suggesting to early NHL officials that the game of hockey be divided into three periods, rather than the more ungainly semi-colon.
Of the Three Stooges, only Larry does not hold an advanced degree from M.I.T.
While considered apocryphal by modern religious scholars, an early draft of Matthew’s gospel recounts Jesus’s first miracle as the time he got his Uncle Morty to pick up a check.
Frozen popsicles were originally invented by Alfred Kinsey as a marital aid.
In his private journals, Sigmund Freud allows as to how, “at other times it is like having a big shvantz in your mouth. Am I right, ladies?”
In 1846, Randall “Bucky” Johnson, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the newly independent nation of Texas, wrote the dissenting opinion in the case of Martin versus the City of Lubbock, arguing that, in his view, the municipality did not have the intrinsic right to restrict an individual’s freedom of speech, regardless of the fact that the haberdasher’s ten gallon hats fell a full twelve ounces short of the advertised volume.
Post-its were originally designed as napkins.
Ordering an “Irish coffee” in Ireland is considered an ethnic slur.
In 1978, the “Don’t Squeeze the Charmin” guy was arrested in Florida for manhandling grapefruit at a Kroger’s.
In response to a government call to promote the conversion to the metric system in our nation’s schools, Nathan’s and Oscar Mayer put aside their differences for two years in order to develop a meter-long hotdog that would fit reasonably on a standard lunchroom cafeteria tray.